Nature’s Natural High

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The other day I woke up at 6:30 am.  Naturally.  I pretty much just shot out of bed like a bolt. What followed later can only be described as natural cocaine. How does that happen as an adult?  That waking up early actually fills you with positive energy instead of sending you into a murderous rage? I had paid all my bills, written an invoice and was ready to exercise well before 10am. I wanted to shout “high on life” to no one in particular, but I didn’t … because I’d want to slap the hell out of me.

Another reason to never grow up, kids.

– Aja

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Notes On Being An Adult

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The other day I was browsing a department store near work.  I always browse whenever I’m in the city because when I’m home I hardly like to leave my house.  Two birds, one stone and all that business.  On my way up to the second floor, my toe caught the edge of the wooden stair and I landed, stomach down.  As I tried to re-orient myself, my eyes were met by the eyes of a very attractive male in his twenties.  Truthfully, I’ve not seen such an attractive dude in a little bit and I was completely confused and perplexed in addition to lying on my stomach.  As soon as I realized that he was staring at me in shock and not in awe of my raw beauty, I grew steely eyed and stern.  Looking him dead in the eye, I hissed “YOU SAW NOTHING”.

And then I pushed myself up off the floor and kept on walking.  I turned around to catch him staring again but this time with awe and a pinch of amusement.  Thirties is fucking up shit.  Owning your shit.  And not giving a shit.  And then being slightly admired for it (but only from afar).  Now.  Off to ballet tomorrow.

–  Aja

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On Being An Aunt

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As I’ve mentioned before, being an Aunt is like having a magical passport which allows one to engage in certain activities which are totally unacceptable as an adult, like trickrtreating.  On your own, people might call the police but with a little one by your side you can indeed go knocking on neighbor’s doors like its 1989 again.  If you have a best friend, your passport is indeed good for two.  The value in bringing your best friend is that when your niece says something incredibly obnoxious yet wholly amusing, your best friend is there to vouch to the world, that you aren’t making stuff up.  We took turns taking Ave to different doors and on Sofia’s turn, Ave held her bag open wide and a kindly neighbor dropped in a single fun sized kit kat.  Before the door was closed, Ave said loudly to Sofia,

“She gave me one.”

Sofia replied,

“Yes, isn’t that nice?”

“She was SUPPOSED to GIVE ME TWO.”

Oh how we laughed even though we really weren’t supposed to.  Where does such a small child learn these things?  The lectures we offered about “being grateful” (in between our snickers) proved to be futile.  At the next door Ave announced to us loudly and proudly before the door was closed,

“I GOT TWO.”

–  Aja

PS-  She doesn’t EVEN like candy!

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Enquiring Minds Want To Know!

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Since I’m currently feeling under the weather with an annoying cold (as you already know Agathe because I chatted with you earlier), I feel like the post couldn’t be more properly timed with the elements.

So I ask you all a very important question.  Is it better to have the long drawn out hangover or just to vomit the night of the damage and get it all over with?

Over the weekend someone who shall not be named was hungover.  Super hungover.  Like could barely move hungover.

And the kicker is that that sort of business apparently gets much worst as you age.  Me?  I wouldn’t know because I’ve never been hungover a day in my life.  I know!  It sounds too good to be true.  And it is!  I’m never hungover because when I drink more than three drinks I’ll most likely vomit violently that evening.  And that friends is why I hardly ever drink.  Don’t get me wrong, if I’m at your wedding, I’ll certain do the champagne toast and if it’s a friend I’ve not seen in five years, I’ll have a little wine while we catch up.  But for the most part I just don’t really enjoy drinking.  It’s difficult to explain to new people that my idea of a dull night is sitting at a bar watching others get tanked while I make up excuses and mocktails.  But I don’t miss it that much to be honest.  It’s expensive and kind of pointless, to be frank.  And with the alcoholism that runs rampant on both sides of my families (and everyone elses so it seems), I think my alcohol allergy is mostly for the best.

But I’d like to take a poll.  Would you rather have a long drawn out hangover worthy of fierce self loathing or a violent vomit where you think you might die for a second, but then feel good as new two minutes later while you wipe your mouth on your coat?  Looking forward to this discussion.

For the record, I have never wiped vomit on my coat, however if you are ever in that state, I will not judge you if you do.

–  Aja

(Illustration by The Great Shel Silverstein)

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Little Lies We Tell Ourselves And Others

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“We all lie to ourselves!  Duh!”

When I said it, my words hung in the air like angry daggers trying to figure out exactly where their target was.  I had been arguing with a loved one about a topic we just can’t seem to get around.  It comes back to haunt our relationship every so often always leaving a black smear in it’s wake.  It is in these moments, where our guard is down and our filters are lost that we let the truth out.  Sometimes in tempestuous ways.  I had been speaking about myself of course.  But it really got me thinking about the various things we lie to ourselves about.  Because you’re trying to convince the world so why not try convincing yourself too?  Here’s some whoppers I’ve told lately:

–  I’m okay with the idea of dying alone.  (Bullshit.  It’s terrifying to me.  I’m accepting of the idea but really, who the f*ck wants to really be alone for the rest of their life?  If you’re in a relationship but you legitimately think I’m buying that “oh you’re so lucky” nonsense, well you are lying to yourself too.)

–  No, no I don’t hate that person.  (I dislike them.  “Hate” is a strong word which my niece reminds me regularly not to use.)

–  Sure you can sit with us.  (You can sit with my friends and I.  Of course.  Because we’re nice people.  But you weren’t in high school and I haven’t forgotten that.)

–  Thank you for that information.  (Thank you for wasting my time telling me about something I already understood.)

I’m okay with these little lies.  Sometimes it saves us a world of uncomfortable explanation.

–  Aja

(Beautiful line drawing by Stasia Burrington)

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