A friend recently said that she would actually watch a reality television show of my family. I thought to myself “I’m not sure if we’d be fascinating to the rest of the world”. Then again, things like this happen with zero irony so ….
Agathe! This is YOU! You figured it out before anyone else. You always do.
No one knew why Agathe quit Stylebytes. I knew all along. And that was why we found each other. Love this girl. Love you.
My darling dear sweet friend, I’m sorry to hear that you are feeling stuck right now. I know this feeling all too well and felt a smidgen of it last week after I returned from my visit to New York City, hence my most recent post. Feeling stuck is the worst feeling ever. You can literally count the seconds as your life ticks away and you muck about in your ennui. It’s frustrating and uninspiring. Please remember that you’re never as stuck as you think you are. You are constantly reinventing yourself and that is your great strength. So look at this time as a hiccup in your patterns of reinvention. Think deeply about the person you wish to be and when you’ve reached a conclusion, go forward and reach it.
I just got back from a little walk around my neighborhood. I love walking at night and the stillness that can be achieved there. Since you currently have built in babysitters, I would recommend that you walk often and a lot by yourself. Discover new places that you’ve never noticed before, take a notebook and pen and write down the things you see and how they make you feel.
Also, practice gratitude frequently. I learned this from my good friend Siri Peterson Cavanna. When I’m feeling more stuck than ever, I try and remember with every waking morning to give myself time for gratitude. I allow myself to wake slowly, move into child’s pose and slowly thank the universe for the abundance that it has given me on this great path of life. I ask it to remind me of whatever mission I was put here for and I try to practice that mindfulness through out the day.
And if you really want a cheap shot, watch the Republican Debate which aired last week on CNN. You might feel screwed but you’ll never be as screwed as America will be if any of those people are elected as commander-in-chief! Let’s have a Skype date tomorrow! I should be around! xoxo
The worst part about depression (spoiler alert: there is no worst part, it all sucks) is that sometimes loved ones don’t understand that just because you take medication to manage, it doesn’t mean that you’ll be a constant wealth of happy feelings all the time. 100% happiness isn’t possible because it’s not reality. And I’m not sure if I’d want to live in a world where that were the norm. Would we actually feel alive? How would we be thankful for the none stormy days? How could we appreciate the warmth and sunlight of love without having felt the other side? I get down. I used to get down a lot more. It never lasts forever but boy do I get down. I’m sort of coming down off of being in New York. New York City is like a drug in that way. It feeds my creative side and I understand how it captures so many hearts (even though I’ve hated it for so long). But there’s so much extra stimulation received and it’s unmistakable and when it’s taken away, it can feel similar to coming down off of a drug. I wouldn’t want to live there again. But I wouldn’t turn down some of that energy.
There’s work stuff which is troubling. And a general overwhelming feeling of loneliness which will pass quicker than it arrived. It seems I left summer behind here and when I came home, it was suddenly too cold to swim.
Aja – How are you otherwise?
Agathe – Meh, pms. But it’ll pass. It’s getting better. I’m realizing that sometimes it’s better to just let it pass. Cause i get so utterly confused when i have pms
Aja – I am so crampy! As I type to you my stomach is cramping up. I know drinking black tea doesn’t help but you can’t take everything I love from me when I need it most!
Agathe – I’m trying scotch.
(Illustration by Jen B. Peters)