You Didn’t Do A Terrible Thing. You Feel That? It’s Called “Relief”.

Let me tell you.  Ever since I started writing on the internet and becoming more of an activist and a writer, I have found that I have lost a few friends along the way.  I put “friends” in italics because you can’t see the marvelous side eye I’m giving when I think about it.  And quite a few of them happened to be white males.   Some were men that I always felt uncomfortable with because they had sexist, racist beliefs that they passed off as clever hipster jokes.  SEXISM IS SO FUNNY!  “I’m not racist, I’ve traveled the world.”  (Real words crammed into my inbox angrily by someone who once tried to justify Trayvon Martin’s death).  A few were so privileged that the stuff that I was saying flew over their heads and when they didn’t understand, their response was to get super angry.  Because it’s clearly my fault that someone doesn’t understand intersectional feminism and white supremacy.  You did that man a favor.  He’ll think twice before he offers an unsolicited opinion to another lady friend.  He’ll thank you later, but he’ll never actually thank you but he will one day recognize that you were right.  But here’s the thing  … I never miss anyone who’s gone.  Not for a second.  I never think “Gee, I wish I had put up with a few weeks more of white male nonsense.”  Or “I feel lost and confused now that I don’t have male friends who mansplain every damn thing to me and talk over me.”

The fact that these thoughts never cross my mind for a mere second, tells me that I have done everything right in my journey to becoming a writer.  So let us celebrate our new found freedom from the weight of expectations of men and let’s throw a few more pies along the way.  I’ve got some tomatoes and rotten eggs if the pies run out.


PS – I am actually living my best life without all that dead weight.

PPS – Dude friends often take up too much space in your life while offering very little in return.

PSS – Girls have always been cool, it’s just internalized misogyny tells us that it’s “cool” to not like other girls.

(Image:  Still trying to find this one)


2 thoughts on “You Didn’t Do A Terrible Thing. You Feel That? It’s Called “Relief”.

  1. You are very right, Aja! It’s actually scary to see how affected I have been personally by the view on women. No wonder I didn’t call myself a feminist until 2016! And that was when it finally started to dawn on me how screwed up everything is, and worst of all, how much I have played along with it! Because I’m afraid I have to say that I really have been playing along without even realising I was doing it!


    • OceanBetweenUs says:

      But see that’s totally how patriarchy works. It’s so insidious and so buried inside our society that we don’t even realize that when we say things like “girls are catty” that we are totally playing into it, without meaning too. In my twenties most of my friends were boys and I used to announce that loudly like I deserved a damn trophy. When the truth was I was mentally and emotionally exhausted from people who took up SO much of my time and gave so little of themselves in regards to me! Now I have so many lovely women as friends and I am living my BEST LIFE. Because women are rad but we’re taught that it’s okay to be competitive and weird and like other women for no reason. It is NOT okay!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s