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Things have been fairly serious not just on here but in our Skype conversations lately too.  I love that about us though.  We can make penis jokes and talk about America’s awful racist history and that’s an important element of friendship.  But there’s still so much I don’t know about you.  Like what’s your favorite amusement park ride?  I never pass on a swing carousel!  Although there is one I wish I had passed on.  The Star Flyer in Copenhagen’s Tivoli turned me green.  As an adult, when you get on these rides, sometimes you have terrible thoughts the whole ride like,

“What if this swing snaps and throws me to my death?  I can just read the headlines.”

So I closed my eyes, despite Ayana screaming for me to open them.

I don’t think it would have made me quite as ill if it had just been a normal swing.  What I failed to realize is that as you spin, the seats also spin in circles.  I was very close to being sick all over myself and Aisha called the ride “The Vomit Maker 2000” for the rest of the trip.

Here’s a video, some sly person took on the Star Flyer.  It doesn’t look so bad but believe me, IT IS.

– Aja

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Magic

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I realize I have used the word “magic” a lot for the past few months, and it keeps coming back up. One magical moment seems to turn into the next. Each time I’m thinking that something has got to give, it has got to crack at some point. And true, things are not always what they seem, and some things has got to go, but the magic isn’t going anywhere!

– Agathe

Image from here.

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Stop, rewind.

A friend of mine once told me something that really stuck:

«You should be careful about burning bridges.»

It just often seems so much easier to walk away and never look back. Yet the last couple of years, I have found that I have appreciated keeping the door open, even for ex boyfriends who once hurt my feelings. Yes, Aja, even for ex boyfriends! Sometimes, with a little distance, we better see people for who they really are, and not who we expect or want them to be.

I’m thinking the same thing about my recent move. I was so done with that old place, so ready for something new, and coming here felt like breathing again. I notice it in little things, like how my outfits are more playful, and that I’m much more outgoing and laughing way more. I even retook a personality test and I had changed from introvert to extravert in just a few months. I’ve been ready to up and sell my house and move all my shit here. It just felt so damn good! Then I saw something on Facebook that struck me:

«Home is where the record player is.»

And it dawned on me: Home is there. I can be here for a while, get a break, have some fun. But this might not ever really be home. So I’m keeping the door open for a certain other ex too, my house.

– Agathe

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Re: Re: Re: Open Up, Let Me In

Aja, you’re totally right. And something magical did happen this weekend. Despite the fact that I have appreciated that unspoken love I was receiving, I struggled to find my place in it. But sometimes people come to the rescue in the most unexpected ways. And now, I am at peace again.

Long story, will catch you up soon, but I can’t promise you’ll be entirely pleased!

-Agathe

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Re: Re: Open Up, Let Me In

OnTheBeachNude

Have you ever thought to just let him be?  To try and put your needs and desires to get inside, off to the side for a moment and to just enjoy his company and all the things you enjoy about his presence?  I just feel like you’re really working yourself up into a lather about this.  People can only give of themselves emotionally what they’re ready to give.  The harder you push, sometimes the more they resist.  Remember why you liked him in the first place.  In the end, maybe you’ll look back and think “perhaps it wasn’t as big a deal as I thought it was”.  Just saying … with love of course.

–  Aja

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Re: Open Up, Let Me In

We’ve been talking a lot about being open lately. Sometimes I feel like Forrest Gump, just sitting there on a bench, sharing my story with any passer-by who’ll listen. It feels quite ironic that I have ended up with the most closed off person I’ve ever met. Say the word “feelings” and he’ll cringe and make funny faces like he just bit into a lemon. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry, so in all honesty, I do both.

– Agathe

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