I actually used to love winters when I was younger. It was as if I could finally close the door and dabble with my own stuff for a while. Hit the snooze button on life outside. The darkness seemed to wrap around me in a comforting way. It’s only the past few years that I’ve started to dread winter, and it has probably got something to do about where I have been living. When it’s so windy you can’t keep it warm inside the house, when none of the boats are getting across shore, when your ears start buzzing in the end due to endless storms. Already in summer, I would start to worry about how I’d get through it another year.
Agathe why is it that in the summer I always contemplate why I can’t live forever and in the winter I always wonder in particular why I was born? Tonight I went for an evening swim and it was glorious. I forgot how magical pools are at night. As I swum laps, I distinctly remember thinking “I just want to feel this way forever”. I don’t think I’m the only writer on this blog that feels stirred by the seasons either. In the winter we are way more prone to let shit fall apart (mostly ourselves), suffer from all sorts of existentialist crisis’ and settle for less than we are deserving of in regards to love. It is the worst. I mean where I live we have snow for days and sometimes weeks, where you live it’s just cold and dark. I think you actually got the shorter end of the stick mostly due to isolation. But I spend so much time by myself in winter that I may as well be on an island. Long live summer and let’s pledge right now to try and do better next winter. But how do you keep the summer spirit alive inside of you? Basically can we try and get through winter 2015 without an existentialist crisis?
PS – I meant to include some sort of photo but they don’t seem to want to upload so sorry about that.
(This is from a few days ago). Since the last time we wrote, a lot has happened. I have moved. I left my house and most of my things behind. Right now I am renting a furnished apartment at a Ukrainian woman’s house on another deserted island, although closer to them mainland. I live next to a big mountain, no ocean view, but not a long walking distance to one. The closest shop doesn’t have much more than milk and one sort of snuff. But the owner will hug me if I’m wearing a dress. The better shop is far away. If I text them, they deliver stuff to my door for free. There are great parties here. It’s something that is unique for rural parts of Norway but that didn’t exist in Traena. It’ll be at some crummy location, possibly outdoors by the harbor, in the rain. They’ll be a live band playing. Some chubby middle aged men. Some chubby middle aged men doing cover songs. The age limit is 15. This means everyone gathers. Those who just turned 15, all the way to the 90 year olds. And they all get really pissed and dance their socks off. There’s one of these parties tomorrow. Only I don’t have a babysitter. Just in case, I texted that far away shop today, ordering some beer. They forgot all about it, and I didn’t bother to text again, since I was most likely not going to the party anyway. Then, in the evening, after I had put my son to bed, they had remembered. And I got cold beer delivered at my door. I thought, what the heck, I can have one right now! And so I am sitting here, staring at the mountain that has disappeared behind the fog, ordering cool stuff online from Iceland. And really, nothing is very far away when it comes down to it. Not even you! – Agathe
Do you want to know why I don’t ever buy Cheese curls ever? BECAUSE I END UP EATING THEM AT 1:37am like I am right now. This batch came from a production that I worked on last week. I should have left them behind because now my mouth is covered in a layer of dust and I’m licking my fingers like a barbarian. In conclusion I do not buy certain things because I have ZERO self control! Good times! Time to have some really bizarre dreams!
Many times through the last few years, I’ve been so fed up with things that I swore in my next life, I’d take a long vacation to another planet. I pictured myself dipping my toes in some multicolored water in some distant world far, far away, drinking space cocktails all day long and then I thought …why wait?
And sometimes life is just what you want it to be. I had to go on a day trip to somewhere, just to pick up some stuff and go to a doctor’s appointment. Nothing exciting but in the evening I ended up getting drunk on Scotch with an elderly man. It was a blast.
The next morning after my appointment, I stopped by a friend of mine and she had three bottles of Peach Canei sitting. That horrible sweet stuff you got drunk on at 16. We drunk them all! At the age of 33, I had managed to get drunk twice within 24 hours. And sobered up again in that time too.
After I returned back home, I went to bed and was thinking of how always at night, I look forward to my iced coffee and snuff in the morning. Then I though … why wait?
I got out of bed. Found a big chunk of chocolate, made myself an iced coffee and dug out my snuff. Ahhh! Life! Even at the age of 33, there’s still something magical about being an adult. I can eat candy when I want, and stay up s late as I want and that fact has never stopped amusing me.
So I’ve decided to start my vacation early. Like, right now.
(Woo hoo! Agathe’s back! – Aja)