Re: Shades Of Blue


This time of year tends to get to me too and thank you for these little words of wisdom. I dreaded winter even before it started because it can get damn lonely out here. Instead I met someone, and even though it didn’t really work out as planned, I learned so much that I’m not even sure that I see the scope of it myself yet. Winter became one hot mess for me, but man were some beautiful moments created.

It is strange how things sometimes work out. Today, for the first time, I felt very detached from any outcome of any situation that I have been in lately. All the fears of disappointments and loneliness and failure, were gone. B and I have had our ups and downs, at it’s worse it’s probably been almost as bad as it can get in a relationship. But every time we’ve been able to connect again and work through things like friends. We did this even now, after the third giant fuck up. And then, as soon as I felt properly detached from the situation, he is being sent away. Yes, B is being sent off the island tomorrow and will probably never return. And it feels fine. We got closure. He is not leaving with any unanswered questions or any unforgiven words left behind. How often does that really happen? The only question that remains is: What now? I don’t know.

This winter became darker and harder for me than I had ever imagined, not only because of B, there have been many trials throughout these months, but it also ended up terribly rewarding. Something is coming to an end, and instead of feeling sadness, I feel joy, because everything panned out beautifully in the end, even though it did not look like it ever could in the middle of it all.

– Agathe

Photo from here.


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