I’ve only had my heart broken once before, and it wasn’t because I wanted him back, it was even I who dumped him, but it was because he had been my best friend. We lived together for four years and he was the sweetest boyfriend ever. He made me breakfast in bed every morning and gave me a back rub every evening and even after four years we would still go out drinking just the two of us and have a blast together. Crazy to dump him? Yes! But I was in my early twenties and had never really been in love. I loved him but I had never been in love. Perfect when you’re a little older and ready to settle down, not so perfect when you’re still convinced there’s that special someone out there just for you. I cried my self to sleep every night for six months.
All the other men I dated I never truly loved. I mean, I always thought I did, but every time I’ve been dumped, it’s been so easily forgotten. I’ve maybe shed a few tears for a day over the realization of another failure, and then I’ve picked myself right up again. Truly loving someone is scary because it leaves you pretty vulnerable, and I guess I was never brave enough to fully take the plunge.
This time it’s been different. This time I was in love and I loved, and I have this nagging feeling that it’ll take a while no matter how I go about it. I’ve been trying to fight it, but I just have to let it be. And you know what? It feels better that way. When I accept that I did love this man and no matter how sad it is that I lost him, I did love, and that in itself is no loss, it is a gift, and in the end, I’m actually pretty happy.
Illustration from here.