Loved Despite Great Faults


Remember the other day when we were talking on messenger as I walked to the library and we were just cracking each other up?  You regularly make me laugh.  You Scandinavians have this subtle humor that I find unbeatable.  The fact that you have this amazing clarity to your thoughts and don’t take yourself so seriously at the same time is the eighth wonder of the world.  I do so love that both of us are so comfortable confessing our faults at the drop of a hat.  There’s a great power that comes from the ability to say “Well I fucked that right up, didn’t I?”

I also think that’s how you work on improving things.  By being aware and actively seeking solutions.  So I’ll go first in public, since this was my stupid idea.

1.  Moody.  Tonight everything and everyone annoys me.  I am reading this stupid book and it’s making me want to punch someone (mainly myself for reading a book I don’t like).

2.  Grudge bearing.  If grudge holding were an Olympic sport, I’d bring home the gold for America.

3.  Jealous.  This has lessened greatly with the help of medication and age.  I do have to mutter “comparison is the thief of joy” to myself every now and then, to keep things in check.  The funny thing is, I’m not jealous of most people.  I don’t want most people’s lives.  I want my own unique vision of happiness.

4.  Impulsive.  The tie that binds us together my dear.

5.  Hard on myself.  I beat myself up regularly about things I can’t control and things that happened ages ago.  I still wince when I think about positively mortifying things which happened in high school.

Since I can’t tackle this all at once (and truthfully I could go on forever), I’m going to work on a pressing one this week.  Grudge holding.

Your turn.  Also, anyone else have any faults you’d like to own up to?  This is a judgment free zone.  We won’t drop you like Gretchen Wieners.

–  Aja

(Illustration from here)


2 thoughts on “Loved Despite Great Faults

  1. Dianne says:

    I hold grudges and believe there is payback. What goes around comes around….I love to plan paybacks, but don’t usually follow up.
    Moody, or as I like to say,
    Impulsive–with $$
    Hard on myself–yep Still
    cringe when I remember
    stuff from 40 yrs ago.
    Jealous–Isn’t everyone at one
    time or another?
    Worst is regret. I guess that comes with age.

    Liked by 1 person

    • OceanBetweenUs says:

      Dianne I plan paybacks too! And never carry through of course. But it gives my mind a little bit of euphoria imagining what it would be like to get that person good. As for grudge holding, when I form my Olympic team, I’ll be sure to recruit you. Regrets, I try not to have too many but now as woman of 32, more so than regrets I feel pressure! Pressure to be super successful (which isn’t happening) and have a family (which also isn’t happening) and sometimes the build up is so incredibly immense that it knocks me off my feet. When my Grammy passed last year I kicked myself because I thought “she’ll never get to see me happy and settled”. That thought still rides with me today, sadly. – Aja


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