This is beautiful, Aja! It made me think about my own constants in my life, and I realize that lately even the constants seem to change.
The past few years, there have been a few things that I have held onto that have given my life some sort of structure and safety. One has been my love for reading. Whenever I felt lost or lonely, I could just pick up a new book and it would be all good. It doesn’t work that way anymore. Once a week for a long time I’ve had a group meeting on Skype with two people I’ve never met. We’ve talked about anything and everything and it has been really expanding. These meetings too seem to fade away. I have my love for fall and the changing of the seasons. Yet this year is the first one that I haven’t looked forward to winter. I’d always long for fall, and then winter, and the possibility of closing the door and being by myself. Now I don’t even want to be by myself anymore.
There are a couple of constants left though. I have my journal writing. And I have my spirituality. I have the writing that makes me see myself in a bigger picture, and I have the bigger picture that makes me see myself better. That’s about it. And I have the moon. And the sound of the waves.
People seem to come and go. It’s always been like this. I’m hoping, and believing, that B will be one of those people that I can count on for the rest of my days. It would be nice to have someone like that. Life really is a circle and things are always changing and always coming back, if only in a different shape. But it is nice to have some sense of stability still. The eye of the storm, sort of.