You know what? I think the worst is over. When I suddenly feel down for no apparent reason, when I feel chubby and ugly, and can’t really bring myself to do anything useful, then it’s a sure sign I have PMS. Luckily I have learnt how to recognize the signals so that I don’t get all wrapped up in the sudden pointlessness of life. I know it’ll pass. (But let me tell you this: While you’re pregnant and/or breastfeeding you’re exempt from all the miseries of PMS.)
And yes, good to point out that neither you or I should be taken seriously when it comes to dating. I’ve sucked so badly at it that I pretty much haven’t dated for years. What’s the point anyway? I always spill the beans right away, I am terrible at holding back, and frankly I wouldn’t be me if I did. It’s just how I do things, I always dive straight into it. But then I also have this weird thing with men, they’ll either show no interest at all, or they’ll think that we are meant to be and that we should get married within the next month. I hope I’m not stepping on anyone’s toes when I share that I have been proposed to twice this summer. Sounds sweet? Well, they usually change their minds too.
I often tell you how wonderful your family sounds. You’re so open with each other and seem very close, and even though this causes trouble too, I do think you are very lucky. Not everyone has this. I don’t even have my family close by. Well, some are living on various islands around here, but there’ll always be a boat ride between us, and the boat doesn’t go that often. It requires careful planning.
One reason for why I’m more open to dating lately is that I’d really love to become a proper family. Right now it’s pretty much just me and my son most of the time. But dating is challenging when I live where I do. There aren’t that many men around, and so I always meet someone far away, really far away. In addition I find the idea of relationships harder to swallow now because I have spent so much time alone that I’m used to managing on my own. Most things I can handle. From being pretty dependent on people, I have become quite resourceful. And I even enjoy my own company a lot! So what do I need a man for? I already have a baby anyway! But there are a few things… Like technical equipment that does’t work properly. I have one set of speakers, two amps and two cassette players that need to be fixed. I bought a book on electronics, but… Yeah. And when the refrigerator or something else big and essential breaks. What then? What about that last roof that still leaks even though I’ve had it fixed twice, I can’t even afford a third! Sometimes I feel pretty helpless, and then I think to myself, where’s that knight in shining armor? Please come save me! I am slowly drowning in my own stubborn independence! (And please tell me that I’m beautiful when I’m PMSing!)