I almost felt bad for giving you the response that I did, because it felt like I was criticizing you, which was far from my intention. I’m just being sentimental these days. And it is exactly because of this, friendships end… Things end.
This tends to happen to me a lot, I connect with someone but it’s only for a short while. With where I live, it’s only to expect that most of my friendships comes with a whole lot of distance. Sometimes it’s people who come to stay here for a little while (they rarely make it long), sometimes it’s people I’ve known in the past before I moved away, and sometimes, it’s people like you, that I’ve never even met.
Some people are harder to let go of than others. And this is why I’m being all sentimental about love and friendships lately. Talking about cutting each other some slack. Yet, that’s the complete opposite of what I’ve been doing myself. I’ve been trying to get out. I’ve talked a lot about my friendship with A. About the epiphany I had the other day, where I (once again) realized I had to end it. It pains me too much.
I know you probably rolled your eyes just a little when I told you what had happened. When I called him up and said, please don’t call me anymore. This is pretty much how it went down:
Me: “We can’t be friends. Please don’t call me anymore. I have to let you go. Don’t call. Don’t send me messages.”
A: “Okay, I’ll call you once a week. I’ll only call you on Sundays. Every Sunday.”
Me: “No, don’t. Don’t call at all. Why aren’t you listening?”
A: “I like talking to you.”
Me: “Yes, but I have to move on, this is too hard. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
A: “Yes, I do. I have to go now, my lunch break is over. I’ll call you tonight.”
Even though he kept being persistent, I told you Aja, that I didn’t think he was going to call, that he got it in the end. I even bet a pack of dried fish with my friend Nene on it. As I went to bed, still no call, I thought to myself that this time it was really over. This weird friendship that had taught me so much, given me so much joy, but that had also been so painful. Over.
But he did call. No mention of what had gone on earlier. Just some talk about work and kids, like we were catching up. It made me smile.
And I’m thinking to myself, maybe I should stop resisting it? Maybe sometimes a friend is someone who doesn’t let you go, even when you’re struggling to tear yourself away, because truth of the matter is, it’s not that I don’t want to be his friend, it’s just that I don’t want it to hurt so much. Maybe sometimes a friend is someone who’s listening to your feelings and not to your words? I know you’ll probably object to this because you know the whole story, you know why this friendship is a strange one, but I’ll let time tell… And heal.
PS – Nene, a pack of dried fish is coming your way!
PPS – Those images in your reply are just too funny! I love how you’ve captured precious moments like that!