Today I haven’t been able to do much of anything. I’m just listening to my new favorite metal band Sólstafir and snorting my neftóbak (the Icelandic nose tobacco), feeling self-destructive. I was looking at pictures of friends on Facebook, and I noticed a consistent sadness in their eyes. When I look into my eyes I see the same. And now I’m sitting here with this strange feeling, the feeling of separateness and longing. It is like no matter how close you get to someone, no matter how much you love someone, and them you, there is still a distance. And it is this distance that allows people to act in such destructive ways. It is this distance that allows people to kill and condemn.
We need to reconnect. It’s just so hard. It seems that every time I try, I get hurt. People come, and then they go. And each and every time, I just wish I could just keep them close with me forever, not having to say goodbye yet another time. Not having to feel like there’s an eternal gulf between us.
I put on bright red lipstick. I am alive, and being alive can be dreadfully painful at times, but I am glad I am still able to feel, still able to allow it to flow through me. I know that some day, it’ll get better. And you know what? Underneath all of this, all this fear and uneasiness, I am still happy. I am always fundamentally happy. And I hope you are too.
Put on red lipstick today, will you?