Every six months I have to drive my mother to an appointment on the other side of the state.  It takes an hour and some change, so we leave nice and early and she stresses out the entire ride there.  If everyone has a “thing” my mother’s “thing” is stressing about being late for things in a manner that is the ultimate fear of missing out.  I used to immediately tune her out but now my method is to put on a book on tape.  Right now the current rotation is Bringing Up Bébé, which is surprisingly … hilarious.  (I read a lot of parenting books … even though I don’t have kids.  I know.  But it’s good anthropology.)

Anyway at some point, the author refers to her husband’s habit of making piles of things on the floor as a sign of depression.  At that moment, my mother and I both whipped our heads around and gave each other a stare.  Not an accusing stare for making piles, but accusing the other person of judging you by the piles you know you make on the floor.  And then we both started laughing.


(Photo: here)




Snippets of our musings about love.

i feel like no matter who or how, it’s too time consuming. I end up spending my time pleasing them and making it work, and missing other opportunities.   I guess I can see myself dating someone at some point, but it would have to be someone who’d make me better, and who’d I could collaborate with on project”

“Interesting.  Me?  I just don’t want to uproot my life for any man right now.   Unless it’s something I’m into 200%.  I’m not halfassing romance at this point in my life.”

“i just want to get my own life started and get into writing again.”
“I don’t want to tire myself with any elses emotions, dreams or desires but my own right now.  I don’t even care if it sounds selfish.”


Looks like in the new year they’ll be lots of creative projects but not as much talks about love.  But that’s a good thing, I think.

–  A + A

Out With The Old


What do you do with an aged sweater?  I have this problem where I have no idea what to do with clothing once it’s knackered.  I always wear my clothing passed the point where it looks nice and I’m trying to ease up on that.  I bought this Helmut Lang sweater in November of 2012.  As one of the pricier items in my wardrobe, bought full price with a store credit (a rarity for me), it has been worn constantly in the winter.  It’s super cozy, nubby and wonderful.  But after three years of consecutive winter use, it looks really worn.  Which honestly doesn’t say much for the quality of a sweater vs the price.  I have a Pringle of Scotland sweater bought at the same time which is still working galloping like an energetic pony.  Meanwhile this pricier Helmut Lang sweater looks like it needs to be taken out back … and shot.  The elbows are looking threadbare and the arm pits are stretched.  So my question is, what next?

I wish there were a place that recycled high quality knits and made baby sweaters out of it.  I’d feel really good about that.   Do you throw it away?  Sounds rather wasteful.  Wouldn’t it be great if there were a designer that re-worked old fancy old knits?  You can’t donate it, knowing no one wants a sweater with threadbare elbows.  What could I possibly do with this sweater that brought me so much joy but no longer looks nice?  Advise.


(Photos from La Garconne where I purchased the sweater).



How Is White Privilege Like Global Warming?


In the time since I have became a vocal little son a gun on the internet, one comment always comes back again and again.  White friends (and sometimes family even) tell me I am too harsh on white people when talking about race.

  1.  No, I’m not.
  2. The beatings will continue until the morale improves.

Racism is a white person’s problem.

Racism is a white person’s problem.

Racism is a white person’s problem.

It is a problem that has plagued our country since before it’s creation and in 239 years of existence as a country, no one seems to be cleaning up the mess effectively.  Racism is a problem which negatively effects people of color.  But it is a white person’s problem to correct.  Because white people are the only ones that have the power, privilege and agency to do so.  So if I make an analogy and use “white people” instead of “some white people”, it’s not your duty nor is it constructive to tell me “it hurts my feelings when you say ‘white people’ because I’m a good white person, and this doesn’t apply me to me”.  Because:

  1.  You are derailing the conversation and taking the focus off the issue and more on your hurt fee fees.  The families of Mike Brown and Trayvon Martin wouldn’t be sympathetic to your hurt fee fees.  Trust me.
  2.   You are expecting a cookie for your allyship and that is unacceptable on all measures.

The analogy that I regularly use that everyone seems to understand is to try to imagine for a second that polar bears could speak.   Imagine a polar bear came up to me on her hind legs, frustrated and said:

“Man you humans are fucking everything up on this planet.”

The polar bear is right.  Humans are collectively ruining Planet Earth.  So therefore it would be WILDLY inappropriate for me to get frustrated with the polar bear for pointing out the obvious.  It doesn’t matter that I recycle.  That I turn the water off when I’m washing my hair and shaving my legs.  The I use dehumidifer water in my laundry.  That I use my car as little as possible and walk as much as I can.  That I’ve decreased my fast fashion purchases ten fold.  That I don’t waste food.  None of this matters.  I am still part of a greater collective that is effectively driving global warming and making the planet unbearable for all the other species.

The same rules apply towards white privilege and white supremacy.  If you are a white person, no matter how good of an ally you are, you still benefit from white privilege and contribute to white supremacy in ways you don’t even have to think about.  Which is the very definition of white privilege.  Not having to think about any of these things until I bring it to your attention is white privilege on steroids.  Obviously I still love you, because you know I don’t keep people around if I don’t.  But I will not mince my words when discussing racism.  Because that’s letting white people as a whole off much too easily.  And because lives depend on it.  The more time you spend arguing semantics with me, the less time you’re out there educating other white people.  Which is your mission, should you choose to accept it!  Because both global warming and racism are at epidemic levels.  xoxo


PS –  Agathe, as a person living in Norway, I know some of this flies straight over your head.  But not all of it, because you’re no dummy.  I needed to write this some place and this seemed a good a place as any.

(Credit:  Josh Brill Co)




A friend recently said that she would actually watch a reality television show of my family.  I thought to myself “I’m not sure if we’d be fascinating to the rest of the world”.  Then again, things like this happen with zero irony so ….

– Aja


Unstick Yourself

A helicopter overview of a 15 foot wave at Pipeline, on the north shore of Oahu, Hawaii.

A helicopter overview of a 15 foot wave at Pipeline, on the north shore of Oahu, Hawaii.

My darling dear sweet friend, I’m sorry to hear that you are feeling stuck right now.  I know this feeling all too well and felt a smidgen of it last week after I returned from my visit to New York City, hence my most recent post.  Feeling stuck is the worst feeling ever.  You can literally count the seconds as your life ticks away and you muck about in your ennui.  It’s frustrating and uninspiring.  Please remember that you’re never as stuck as you think you are.   You are constantly reinventing yourself and that is your great strength.  So look at this time as a hiccup in your patterns of reinvention.  Think deeply about the person you wish to be and when you’ve reached a conclusion, go forward and reach it.

I just got back from a little walk around my neighborhood.  I love walking at night and the stillness that can be achieved there.  Since you currently have built in babysitters, I would recommend that you walk often and a lot by yourself.  Discover new places that you’ve never noticed before, take a notebook and pen and write down the things you see and how they make you feel.

Also, practice gratitude frequently.  I learned this from my good friend Siri Peterson Cavanna.  When I’m feeling more stuck than ever, I try and remember with every waking morning to give myself time for gratitude.  I allow myself to wake slowly, move into child’s pose and slowly thank the universe for the abundance that it has given me on this great path of life.  I ask it to remind me of whatever mission I was put here for and I try to practice that mindfulness through out the day.

And if you really want a cheap shot, watch the Republican Debate which aired last week on CNN.  You might feel screwed but you’ll never be as screwed as America will be if any of those people are elected as commander-in-chief!  Let’s have a Skype date tomorrow!  I should be around!  xoxo

– Aja

(Look here)